Over the past several weeks Earlene and I have continued to re-establish our new life in Missouri. It’s a strange experience to press pause on significant parts of life and then return three months later to reestablish things in a new state with new jobs and a new home. There’s no amount of legwork that would have prepared us for this new challenge and cleared the path of all obstacles.
In many instances, I find myself in an odd state emotionally and spiritually. I miss Israel. My soul longs to return there and to dwell there until the Kingdom comes or until I take a dirt nap. However, this is not what HaShem seems to have planned.
Since I could not stay in Israel, my second choice was to serve the Kingdom by working with a ministry in Marshfield. Based on conversations we had and intense times of prayer, I found myself in a place of expectation. I had this vision of how life would come together when we got back and the approximate area we would end up living in once we settled in Missouri. My expectation was to return from Israel and to have an immediate position working for the Kingdom in a tangible way.
This is not how it turned out. Not at all. Perhaps I will say “not yet” – but really, only God knows.
The way HaShem has lined up our lives, it’s obvious that He had a hand in it so I’m confident we aren’t wandering our own path apart from Him. I still can’t help entering into a bit of a funk on some days where I speak with God and say “this isn’t what we discussed” – as though, I really had a say in how things were going to happen. When you strive to live a life of “hineni” or “here I am,” you don’t direct the path, God does.
The moments I find myself in that place of frustration and doubt, I have to begin recounting the blessings. “Count your blessings” is a common idiom, but do you ever really stop to consider the blessings of your life? Without reviewing our blessings, we may find ourselves adrift in our own misunderstandings. When we review the path He’s given us, and we count the blessings He has bestowed, the picture becomes clearer and some of the misunderstandings are reconciled in truth.
Since returning to the United States we have both been blessed with jobs. We have been blessed with a beautiful home that we own without a bank’s involvement. We get to see Earlene’s parents weekly. Our Torah Club is having some of the most incredible discussions and we have seen (and continue to see) evidence of God moving in the midst of that small group. I won’t bore you with the whole list, but the blessings are abundant. Who am I to say to God “this isn’t what we discussed”? He seems to have it all well in hand.
Our prayer list is extensive as we seek His continued guidance.
He moved us from Colorado and planted us here in Missouri after a spectacular time of refreshing in Israel, but we don’t really have much more to go on in terms of planning.
We are yearning for a faith community in Joplin. We miss our “mishpacha” (family) in Golden, Colorado immensely. However, Messianic communities here are few and far between. Are we supposed to seek out a congregational community here even if it’s not a similar congregation to what we had previously? Can our Torah Club small group hold us steady for the interim? How do we ensure that we are growing deeper roots instead of becoming withered and shallow in this time of transition?
We are yearning to serve the Kingdom in a more tangible way, but what does that mean from His view? He is presenting opportunities daily in smaller ways. Perhaps we are serving the Kingdom as necessary at the moment. But, what is the long-term goal? What is the purpose of the jobs we’ve been given?
What are we to do with this blog? Are we to continue posting random life experiences such as this as part of our ongoing testimony? Are we being led to share a weekly post on our Torah portion thoughts to fill a gap left behind by not having our congregational community?
Who can we share the joy of Shabbat with in Joplin, Missouri? We don’t know anyone nearby. We are still establishing our Shabbat routine and incorporating some of the lovely elements and impactful songs we were introduced to while we were in Israel. But right now, it’s just a Shabbat for two.
When these questions and prayers come to mind and the doubts start to creep in, I have to remind myself to count the blessings. To review the path He has laid out is to recognize the epitome of what this website was named for. Our journey is His path as long as we trust in Him to lead in spite of our uncertainty and frustrations. We may not be satiated with the full list of our fleshly demands, but HaShem is going out of His way to provide for us exactly what we need and in His timing. All we have to do is continue to say “hineni” or “here I am.”